What Carrying the Torah Taught Me About Faith

My daughter’s bat mitzvah took place on Purim, March 10, right as the country was introduced to social distancing and mere days before we were encouraged to stay home. The weekend before, my family went to shul together for Shabbat services. My son has been volunteering as a bimah boy since his bar mitzvah last year, so he’s there regularly with my husband, but my daughter and I often stay home.

Being in shul fills me with conflicting emotions. I love the community, the warmth, and the sense of connection amongst a group of people that large. But I have issues with some of the actual tenets of the religion itself, and a very uncertain relationship with G-d. It’s my love for the clergy and fellow congregants that keep me coming back. I spend my time there in reflection upon myself, my actions, and how I can be better in the future. I rarely follow along in the Siddur, feeling those words so separate from my own.

One comment on “What Carrying the Torah Taught Me About Faith

  1. Amy on

    So interesting, and from your piece I gather that you are in a Modern Orthodox community. I am in an egalitarian Conservative community, but I, like you, have over the years had those “issues.”
    When my kids were young & started to attend Hebrew school, I figured that if I made them go (I never went as a child, nor did my brothers, we were strictly secular except for seders with my paternal grandparents) learn about being Jewish, I’d better back that up. So when our Rabbi at the time offered to teach adults to read Hebrew, I took his 4-day class. And I still read aloud like a kindergartener, but this has been my gateway to appreciating the Shabbat and High Holy Days liturgy.
    I still do have my “issues” to be sure, but in my late 60s I am now starting to appreciate Judaism. Better late than never!?

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