More Love, Loyalty and Lies

Gam Zeh L’Tova (this is also for the good)

In 1988, while I was working at Camp Ramah Nyack, I called my father when the payphone was available. He had news. My half sister, Rachel, was born. My parents divorced when I was 2 and I always had a fractured relationship with my father. This carried down to my relationship with Rachel, and the 19-year age difference between us didn’t make it any easier to connect.

I never knew her. No one knew I had a sister.

Until January 2024 when Rachel had a baby. My adorable nephew, Jack! And, only days after Jack was born, my father collapsed and ended up in the hospital. He never came home and passed away a month later. But-Gam Zeh L’Tova, the rainbow after the rain. And after hours spent together by our father’s bedside, I gained a sister and I became an aunt. Rachel and I text often, FaceTime not enough.

Last winter, my very best friend and soul sister from my Camp Ramah in the Berkshires days and I visited Rachel together.

The “tantes” invaded and showered Jack with love. Rachel and I also began to make up for what we’d lost in the past 36 years. We did not have enough late night chats to get to the core, but I love that I am getting to know my roller derby playing scientist sister.

Finally. Gam Zeh L’Tova.

Stacey Rattner is the “leaping librarian” at Castleton Elementary School in upstate New York.

Soup for Two

We started off making some soup. Not like Yaakov and Esav bargaining, but courageously, like the feminine heroes of the Torah. Vegetarian, like Queen Esther.

1 peeled potato
2 onions
1 jar of basil
1 jar of garlic
A pinch of extra spices for flavor
A ton of water
2 wooden mixing spoons

Under our pillows we stirred. Nothing could stop us. No rules, no temptations. My sister and I were experts at cooking in the dark.

4 eyes that can’t see
4 hands that can feel
17 stuffed animals that guard

Queen Esther managed to keep kosher while her Jewish identity remained a secret. We were not so good at being quiet.

2 pillows
1 shouting me
1 reprimanding her

Our parents would make their way to my room.

26 stairs
2 adults
30 seconds to hide

Our game switched. Miriam watched us from the shadows. We hid under the covers like Moses in a basket on the Nile. We slid to the bottom of my bed.

My parents (and Miriam) were the seekers. They won. We lost. Yet, the night wasn’t over—it never was.

Miriam led us back to bed singing and dancing.

Slumber parties for 2
1 bed
0 sleeping.

Madison Jackson received her Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Nonfiction Writing from Chatham University and lives in Pittsburgh, PA where she works as the Director of Jewish Student Life at Carnegie Mellon University Hillel.