Apples, Trees, and Feminism

“I want you to have the best of both worlds.”

Those words make me emotional. My mother has been my strongest support system—despite coming from such a different background—to this day. My parents are deeply politically conservative, and even my mother, who is sympathetic to the feminist cause, remains rigid about many things. When I was in high school, a friend and I left school early to attend an abortion-ban protest when some states threatened reproductive rights. My friend and I made signs, and even though my mother disagrees with the pro-choice movement, she helped us carry them and attended the rally with us. Her doing so may have been to keep me safe, but she nevertheless joined us.

As a woman growing up in Kavkaz, she was precluded from living a normal life. The men in her community were able to find themselves in ways that she couldn’t. Growing up with her stories made me realize just how badly I wanted to get away from the Kavkazi community and all its gender restrictions.

I want to celebrate my female identity in a way that is unencumbered by the will of others, including my father. That’s why highlighting my mother’s voice is so important to me: she represents the strict femininity that I want to escape, and yet her strength has inspired me to find myself.

Rina Shamilov, Lilith Online, March 2024. Read the full piece here.