A KADDISH PRAYER

in honor of Kathryn Foster LaTorre

The words are rhythmic and calming, like a lullaby.

We are lulling the loved one back to birth, pre-birth, back to God.

We say it because we don’t yet have our own words.

We say it to praise God for the gift of the life given and taken

We say it because we are angry, and it is the only appropriate thing to say.

I used to believe that the middle verse translated to “it will be okay, it will

be okay”. I still hear that when I recite the prayer.

Kaddish isn’t in Hebrew, but Aramaic; foreign to most of us, mysterious,

out of reach. It is literally beyond us, as is death, as is God.

We say it to comfort ourselves because the last tear has been wiped from

her cheek, the last “I love you” whispered, the last kiss gently placed upon

her head and hand.

I can no longer adjust her covers, apply lotion to her feet, nor fill her

water glass. But I am here. I am still here for her even though she is no

longer here for me.

I say it as a thank you to God for the gift of her life. While I never had

the power to change her path or ease her pain, I was present as her daughter,

and I bore witness to her journey.

I am still present.

I devote myself to her memory, and to her soul with its spark of the

divine. I blow on that ember with each recitation. I will never forget her. I

will never stop honoring her. I pray my prayers will provide peace to her

soul and to my own.

I offer my gratitude to God for the gift of her life and for my memories.

Donna LaTorre lives in Takoma Park, MD