A Husband of Valor

A husband of valor who can
find him?

Because his price is greater
than sapphires.

He Causeth his wife to safely
trust in him,

He Doeth her good and
not evil.

Every unclean thing doth he
gather and make clean again.

Into whites and colors he
sorteth it;

He causeth not the good
damask tablecloth to
become pink,

Nor doth he cause woolen
sweaters to shrink.

He Forgetteth not to add the
Fabric softener.

He bringeth food from the
Grocery store,

And he chooseth the best
produce and Granola bars.

He worketh willingly with
his Hands.

He Ironeth and foldeth all things and he putteth them away in
their proper drawers; he matcheth socks also.

He cluttereth not the house with Junk.

Kitchens and bathrooms he scrubbeth and causeth them
to shine.

He riseth also while it is yet night and maketh Lunches for
all the children.

He remembereth who Loveth a sandwich of cheese

And who of peanut butter.

He is not afraid of the snow for his household;

He raketh the leaves and Moweth the grass also.

His lamp goeth not out by Night.

He considereth a back to school Outfit, and he buyeth it.

And lo, the button that falleth Off doth he sew On again.

He forgetteth not field trip Permission slips.

He breatheth Quietly by night.

He Remembereth to take out
the garbage and he changeth
the litter box and he walketh
the dog.

Diapers also he changeth and
washeth without complaint.

To Scouts and Soccer and
gymnastics and saxophone
lessons he Shleppeth all.

The Toilet seat he restoreth to
its correct horizontal position;

And yea, he replaceth the roll
when it doth become empty.

All things that are lost
Underneath the sofa and
Underneath the beds doth he
find and restore to their

He Vacuumeth and he
dusteth and he leaveth not his
dirty socks and towels upon
the floor.

He doeth Windows.

He drinketh not the six-pack of

Yesterday’s newspapers doth he stack neatly and recycle.

He doth weed the garden and unloadeth he all the Zucchini
before it rotteth.

His wife is known in the gates.

When she sitteth among the elders of the land.

He openeth his mouth with wisdom;

And kindness is ever on his tongue.

He looketh well to the ways of his household.

His children rise up and call him blessed;

His wife also, and she patteth him upon his head.

“Many sons have done valiantly,

But thou excellest them all.”

Susan Ellman teaches at Washington High School in Milwaukee. She has three daughters and two cats, and says she used to have a cat named Lilith.