Delving into a Family Tragedy
From earliest childhood, Marty Ross-Dolen knew her mother, Patricia Louise Myers, (called Patsy) to be both “fiercely determined” and independent. But she also knew that something weighed her mother down, and saw that she wore a perpetual cloak of sadness, something she later recognized as grief. Searching for the cause of this forms the basis of her affecting memoir, Always There, Always Gone: A Daughter’s Search for Truth [She Writes Press, $19.99]
Over time, Ross-Dolen learned the cause of her mother’s sadness: A fiery plane crash between two commercial jets in December 1960 killed her mom’s parents, Garry Cleveland Myers, Jr. and Mary Martin Myers. The pair, executives at the iconic Highlights for Children magazine, had been traveling to a business meeting in New York City from their home in Columbus, Ohio to discuss improved newsstand placement for the then 14-year-old publication.
Patsy, the second of five children, was 14 when she was orphaned. She and her siblings were subsequently moved from their Ohio home to Austin, Texas, where relatives did their best to care for them.
Throughout her childhood, Ross-Dolen heard occasional accounts of the accident. Nonetheless, she had many questions that extended beyond the who, what, when, and where of the crash. What were her grandparents, people she only knew from a portrait on the family mantlepiece, actually like? What did they want from life? How did their romance unfold? And how did Grandma Mary juggle childrearing and professional responsibilities during the 1950s, a time of profound political reaction, repression, and backlash?
These questions form the foundation of Always Here, Always Gone. Ross-Dolen does not just center the memoir on her grandparents’ lost lives but weaves her own story into the narrative. In fact, her quest to know her grandmother and understand her trials and tribulations forms the crux of the facts and impressions that are presented.
It’s potent—a mix of family lore and emotionally rich reflection. In addition, Ross-Dolen provides readers with a detailed and beautifully written look at the multiple ways that grief can be passed between generations. And while she is careful not to generalize—this is, after all, highly specific to this one family’s particular situation—her exposition of grief’s long-term impact on relationship intimacy and social functioning is insightful.
Ross-Dolen blends and merges multiple genres. Excerpts from archived letters between Mary and her business associates, family members, and friends (miraculously saved by relatives and Highlights’ archivists) are juxtaposed with imagined conversations between grandmother and grandchild, photos, erasure poetry, and word fragments that she calls “wisps.”
The result is a moving exploration of growing up in the shadow of death.
While I wondered about Ross-Dolen’s brothers’ reactions to their family history, in the end, this is not their story, but hers. I imagine that since she is a retired child and adolescent psychiatrist who spent 14 years researching and writing this book, we can understand how her decision to zero-in on the trauma that was transferred to her from her mother makes good sense.
As both a tribute and a lament, Always Here, Always Gone tells a poignant story about love, loss, and persistence. It’s a lovely memoir.
