I Will Relate

“The north” was a place of my imagination, a vast uncertainty partially filled with the wind-swept trees of A.Y. Jackson’s paintings (of Group of Seven fame); uncertainty of what it looked like, felt like, and sounded like. My father was born up ‘north’ in Kirkland Lake, Ontario in a small but present Jewish community – which even most Canadian Jews don’t know ever existed. Today it is a 6-hour drive from Toronto but when my great-great-grandfather arrived in Canada in 1905, this journey was not simply a drive between places but a multi-day trek from the main centres of Montreal and Toronto. 

I was 20 when my Zadie passed. I lost my Bubbie when I was 12. I felt seen by her in a way unmatched in my inter-cultural family where I often felt a separation and distance from my own Jewish identity. With my Zadie’s passing, I inherited a box of ephemera: photographs, old passports, cards, letters, address books, and many journals my Bubbie wrote. Not daily diaries, the journals are a writing and re-writing of my family’s life establishing themselves in a remote, isolated part of the country, detailing in imaginative language the hardships and love that shaped our history and the Jewish community. 

In recent years, I went beyond digging around that box of family stuff, finally traveling to Kirkland Lake and then reaching out to meet with elders, children, and grandchildren of interconnected Jewish communities of Kirkland Lake and nearby Rouyn-Noranda in Quebec. Lifelong uncertainty transformed into vignettes of community.

“The north” began to… 

feel like goulash being kept warm by blankets, 

taste like wild blueberries picked from hills while contemplating one’s place in life,

sound like the shuffling of poker cards amidst the chatter of women,

look like people adapting and connecting together in subtle and consistent ways in 

order to maintain what was almost lost – Jewish life. 

From the stories generously shared with me and passed down to me through my Bubbie’s journals, I began making art. The installation I created for the FENTSTER window gallery is the most ambitious project to date inspired by this past; channeling threads teased out of my grandmother’s writings, drawing inspiration from materials I found at the Ontario Jewish Archives, and paying homage to the general store that my great-great-grandmother opened to sustain her family and the local community. This work serves as a portal, connecting across time and generations—from grandmothers to granddaughters. It reflects on the bonds strengthened by the transmission of knowledge, community care, and resourceful perseverance.

LEFT: The artist’s great-great-grandmother – Betty (Betsy) Perkus (seated) with her daughters Bessie and Faige (Fanny), Russia, [189-?]. Ontario Jewish Archives, item 1609.

RIGHT: Tombstone of Meichen’s great-great-grandfather at Northern Chevra Kadisha Cemetery, Krugerdorf, Ontario, 2022. Photo by Meichen Waxer.

My great-great grandfather Ben Tsion ben Nehima ha-Kohen (known as Benjamin Perkus) came to Krugerdorf, Canada to escape harsh persecution in Eastern Europe at the turn of the 20th century. He worked on building the railway and tragically drowned in an accident in the river with his son Moshe and cousin Simcha. These deaths were the first in the Jewish community of Krugerdorf in 1905, prompting the establishment of the Northern Hebrew Cemetery. His wife, Betty Perkus arrived in northern Ontario a widow, and needed to quickly figure out how to support her family. In my Bubbie’s journals, she describes how Betty’s surviving son, Morris, suggested opening a store: 

“Someone – it may have been the shochet said – there are certain needs that must be met in this community – if we are to grow. They are very basic. We need a butcher, a baker, a hardware store.

Mother, – Yes Joseph – 

You bake – why don’t you open a shop – 

But where – how – we have no shop –

Morris – A ha – we will make one – 

Morris – You mean build one? 

Yes – we will lease some land, I’ll get some carpenters from the railway – and we will put down a plank floor – half walls and a canvas. Roof and sides – wood stoves –  tables and a dough box – and [sic] your in business”

Everyone was enthused about the project. Sleep evaded them that night. Dawn would never come.”

Dubinsky family seder, Kirkland Lake, 21 April 1932. Ontario Jewish Archives, item 2521. 

Only when we blew up this photo from the Ontario Jewish Archives’ collection for the small history exhibition that is presented alongside my installation, did I notice that my great-great-grandmother, Betty Perkus, is seated here with the Dubinsky Family at their seder in April 1932. She is the one on the right staring off, and not at the camera. Her inclusion in gatherings and family photos outside her nuclear family feels resonant with how I have built a chosen Jewish family (outside of my lovely blood family).My chosen Jewish family – of mostly women and queers – has reinforced, especially in recent years, what it looks like to truly show up for each other. 

I Will Relate to You on view at FENTSTER (Toronto). Photo: Brittany Carmichael, 2024

Following the conversation my Bubbie (Jessie Waxer) reimagined between her own Bubbie (Betty Perkus) and her uncles about the notion for founding the shop, for the FENTSTER installation, we put down a plank floor that bisects the small space of the window gallery. Above the floor are objects that relate to provisional life in the north: an antique dough bowl, a vintage flour sifter, old skis and a blanket that my Bubbie wove by hand. The area beneath the floor is inspired by a passage in the journals where my grandmother describes how they used to stuff old clothes beneath the floorboards of the shop for insulation. 

I sourced vintage clothing of the types that would have been sold either at Perkus Limited or the other Jewish-run shops in Kirkland Lake and the nearby small townships. And, I layered these textiles with old family photos of my Bubbie and Zadie enjoying fun times in and by the water with my father as a little boy and his sister. My family’s story in Canada begins in a watery grave and I wanted to also draw attention to the good times they had in the area’s lakes and rivers. These photos have taken on new resonances since the exhibition has been on view. On August 31st, my sweet father, Peter Waxer, passed away unexpectedly. My Dad shared with me that he was so grateful for a daughter who honoured his ancestry and brought him closer to what it meant to be Jewish. Born during WWII, being Jewish was not an easy thing for him, and something he wrestled with throughout his life. As I’ve grown closer to my own sense of Jewish-ness, I see how his wrestling was indeed very Jewish all along. He was proud of this work, and deeply moved that people cared about a small and not well-known Jewish community of the North.    

J. Perkus & Co. General Merchants, Cochrane, ca. 1910. Ontario Jewish Archives, item 1608.

From Betty’s initial bake shop, Perkus Limited was born. My Bubbie recounts in her journals: “Opening day was May 12, 1910. Betty, Bessie and Fanny with their daughters Rebecca and Minerva proudly attended the festivities. The family was afloat in clouds of euphoria — a new business and two beautiful babies filled all with joy.” My best bet is that Bessy and Fanny and their children are in this picture from the Ontario Jewish Archives. As the family grew and spread across “the north,” so did the store: opening locations in Cochrane, Kapuskasing, and Kirkland Lake. As my conversations with others from the Jewish community spread across the north of Eastern Ontario and into Western Quebec in recent years, what became evident was that the family store was a symbol of both autonomy and community. My Bubbie’s journals highlighted that it was her grandmother Betty’s ‘business acumen’ that not only sustained the family and community but also laid the foundation for future generations to thrive

Detail of butterfly embroidery in the installation I Will Relate to You at FENTSTER. Photo: Michael Rajzman

“Like bright butterflies, women with covered dishes hovered above the tables seeking the most advantageous spot for their treasured recipes.” I love this description in my Bubbie’s journal of this scene where the community’s women flutter around, preparing for a community wedding. Moved by this image of women’s collectivity and care, I reached out to the women and queers in my Jewish community to embroider together. Over several wintery weekends, I sat with my friends, teaching some to embroider, and refreshing my skills with others who were more adept at textile arts. We chatted about our lives, good and tough times, and, of course, about our grandmothers. I delicately stitched in golden thread from my Bubbie’s weaving supplies so she could be threaded into these moments and the work. 

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I Will Relate to You is on view until December 7, 2024 at FENTSTER presented together with the Ontario Jewish Archives with the support of the Kultura Collective. Curated by Donna Bernardo-Ceriz, Naama Freeman and Evelyn Tauben. Learn more here.